The Big Kid Years

The primary school years bring a different set of challenges — friendships that shift daily, increasing academic pressure, the first taste of social media, and a child who is developing their own opinions and pushing back on yours. This is healthy. It’s also exhausting in a completely different way from the toddler years.

The most important thing you can do for a child aged 5-12 is maintain connection. They still need you, even when they act like they don’t. Eat together when you can. Ask open-ended questions in the car (they talk more when they don’t have to make eye contact). Be interested in what they’re interested in, even if it’s Minecraft for the 400th day in a row. Connection is the foundation that makes every other parenting strategy work.

For more support with the school-age years, our Big Kids Hub covers behaviour, activities, and the emotional side of growing up. If boundaries are becoming a battleground, our Boundary Toolkit works for children of all ages — the scripts adapt to whatever situation you’re in.

Common questions

Does praising my child build confidence?

Not the way most of it is delivered. Praising the result, or the child's fixed qualities, tends to make them cautious about anything they might not be immediately good at. Praising the effort and the approach builds the thing you actually want, which is willingness to try.

What should I say instead of you're so clever?

Something about what they did. You worked at that for ages, you tried three different ways, you kept going when it got hard. It is less satisfying to say and considerably more useful, because it points at something they control.

Should I let my child struggle?

Yes, within reason, because solving something slowly and independently does more for confidence than being rescued quickly. The instinct to step in is strong and usually about the adult's discomfort rather than the child's need.

How does my own self-talk affect them?

More than most people realise. A child who hears you say you are rubbish at things learns that struggle means inadequacy. Saying you are still learning models the same thing you are trying to teach them, at no cost.