Getting kids to listen without shouting is basically the gold standard of parenting. But it is possible. Not perfect, but possible. Here is what works, what flops, and one trick that changed everything.
What Does Not Work
- Repeating yourself louder
- Empty threats
- Sarcasm
- Doing it all yourself out of frustration
What Actually Works
- Make eye contact first: If they cannot see you, they are not really hearing you.
- Use fewer words: Keep it simple. “Shoes. Now.” lands better than a whole speech.
- Ask once, then follow up with action: No repeated warnings. Calm, clear consequences.
- Use routines instead of reminders: Consistency makes compliance easier.
- Speak with calm authority: No shouting. No begging. Just steady, clear instructions.
- Validate, then redirect: “I know you are in the middle of something. But it is time to go.”
- Pick your battles: Not every hill is worth climbing. Let the sock drama go.
The Trick That Changed Everything
I started saying, “Can you tell me what I just said?”
It turns out, they were not ignoring me – they just never really processed it.
This shifted everything. They started listening because they knew I would ask them to repeat it. Suddenly I was not shouting. I was communicating.
Final Thought
Yelling might get a result in the moment. But connection builds cooperation in the long run. This is not about being perfect. It is about being calm, consistent, and clear – even when we are running late and out of snacks.
Sending calm mum energy always,
Mellow