You Know the Feeling
You know those days where you feel like you’ve done everything, but nothing shows for it?
You didn’t sit down.
You didn’t stop thinking.
And yet, somehow, there are still socks under the sofa, mystery crumbs in your bra, and nobody seems to know when the last time the fish got fed was.
Welcome to the invisible load of motherhood – a term that sounds soft and fluffy until you realise it’s the reason you’re utterly exhausted by 3pm and fantasising about running away to a hotel… alone… forever.
So What Is the Invisible Load?
The invisible load is the mental, emotional, logistical and often thankless labour mums carry every day, around the clock.
It’s the to-do list you never wrote, but you know by heart.
And the worst part?
Most of it goes unseen – even by the people living inside the house you’re holding together with Weetabix and sheer will.
It looks like:
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Knowing the exact number of yoghurts left in the fridge
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Remembering it’s World Book Day… and who hates dressing up
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Anticipating the baby’s nap meltdown before it happens
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Booking the dentist, cancelling the dentist, rebooking the dentist
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Prepping for a birthday party your child forgot to mention – tomorrow
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Mentally writing a shopping list while nodding at your partner’s story about work
It’s a constant cognitive spin cycle – with no switch-off, no clock-out, and definitely no thanks.
It’s Not Just About Tasks – It’s About Responsibility
Here’s the thing. This isn’t just a glorified to-do list. The invisible load includes:
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Anticipation: Who’s going to need what, and when?
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Emotional holding: Whose feelings need managing today?
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Memory management: Who’s due a growth spurt? Whose PE kit smells?
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Logistical juggling: Who’s where, when, with what snacks and who’s driving?
All of this is running in the background, 24/7, like a browser with 43 open tabs – three of which are frozen, and one of which is playing the CBeebies theme at full volume.
And Yet… No One Notices
The trouble with this load? It’s invisible.
If you do it right, nothing happens.
The fridge is stocked. The uniform is clean. The birthday present is wrapped.
But the moment you forget one thing?
Cue chaos, eye rolls, and an eerie “I thought you’d sorted that” silence.
You don’t get credit for the balls you keep in the air.
You only get blamed for the one that drops.
What It Feels Like (Hint: You’re Not Just Tired)
Let’s call it what it is: mental fatigue.
Not the kind you fix with a power nap and a vitamin D tablet.
The kind that leaves you feeling emotionally wrung out, scatterbrained, and somehow guilty even when you’ve done everything.
You’re not lazy.
You’re not dramatic.
You’re carrying it all, even when no one sees it.
And if mental tabs actually burned calories?
We’d all be walking around with abs of steel.
Why Mums Are the Default
Let’s be honest: in most families, the mum is still the default parent.
Default planner.
Default email-checker.
Default finder of lost shoes.
Default rememberer of everything.
Why? A mix of social conditioning, cultural norms, and the fact that when something needs doing – mums are often the ones who just get on with it.
But just because you can carry it all does not mean you should have to.
What Happens If We Don’t Talk About It
Burnout.
Resentment.
Disconnection.
Mums feeling like failures for simply being human.
It’s not just unfair – it’s unsustainable.
When the invisible load is ignored, mums are left holding a bag full of bricks and expected to smile through it.
How to Start Sharing the Load (Even If It Feels Awkward)
Here’s what might help:
1. Name it. Out loud.
Saying “I’m drowning in mental tabs” is not complaining – it’s a call for support.
2. Make it visible.
Write it down. Use a shared app. Make your partner see what’s been running in your brain all week.
3. Let go of the guilt.
Asking for help is not a weakness. It’s a survival skill.
4. Delegate (and don’t micro-manage).
Yes, they’ll load the dishwasher wrong. But they’ll load it. And that’s progress.
5. Find your mum gang.
The ones who say “I get it” instead of “You should just…”
You’re Doing More Than Enough
Motherhood is not a performance.
You don’t need gold stars.
You need support, rest, and someone else to remember the school’s online portal login for once.
So to the mums with 100 mental tabs open, five plates spinning, and one eye twitching – we see you.
You’re not alone. You’re not failing.
You’re just doing an invisible job with superhero-level effort.
💬 Over to you:
What’s the most ridiculous thing currently taking up space in your brain?
Drop it in the comments – or share with your fellow overthinkers. Let’s lighten the load together.