The Truth About Mum Friendships: Why Some Fade and Some Last
We meet them at baby groups, in hospital waiting rooms, at the school gate. Mum friends can feel like lifelines — until one day the messages slow down, or the rhythm changes. Here is the truth about why some mum friendships fade, why others deepen, and how to handle both without guilt.
Mum friendships are not meant to be identical. Some carry us through a season. Some carry us through a lifetime.
Why mum friendships feel so intense
Mum life can be isolating. A friend who gets the sleepless nights, toddler tantrums, or teenage storms without explanation feels like oxygen. That intensity builds bonds quickly. Coffee after the school run, shared WhatsApp rants, or swapping emergency Calpol make you feel less alone.
When friendships fade
Some friendships fade as naturally as children outgrow clothes. Life stages shift. One mum goes back to work, another keeps home educating. One family moves, another joins different clubs. No one is wrong. The rhythm has just changed.
The pain comes when we expect every friendship to last forever. In truth, many are seasonal. They serve a moment and then loosen. That does not make them less real or valuable.
Why some friendships last
The friendships that last tend to have roots beyond parenting. Shared humour, values, or trust outside the school run keep you connected. These are the friends who notice when you go quiet, who show up even when your kids are older, who remember you as more than “Mum.”
Handling the awkward drift
- Be honest but gentle. A simple “life is busy, I miss you” can reset the tone.
- Let go with kindness. If messages dry up, accept the season has shifted without resentment.
- Stay open. Friendships can rekindle later. A fading today does not mean gone forever.
Scripts for common situations
- When you want to stay close: “I know we are both busy but can we book a coffee. I miss laughing with you.”
- When you want to step back: “Life feels full right now so I may be quiet, but I value the time we had.”
- When guilt creeps in: “Not every friendship needs to be lifelong. Some friendships kept me afloat when I needed it, and that matters.”
How to spot a lasting friendship
Lasting friendships feel light, not heavy. They survive gaps in communication. They are not transactional. You can show up tired or messy and still feel welcome. If you feel safe to be real, that friendship has roots worth tending.
Making space for new connections
When old friendships fade, it makes space for new ones. Each stage of parenting brings fresh circles — nursery, school, clubs, teens. Stay open. You never know who might become your next lifeline.
The Kitchen Table conversation
This is the space for honesty. Mum friendships are messy, imperfect, and human. If you have lost one, you are not alone. If you have a lasting one, hold it close. Pull up a chair and share your story — who got you through, who drifted, and what you learned along the way.
About the Author
Heather is the founder of Darling Mellow, a UK parenting and home education platform. She combines over a decade of parenting experience with modern digital tools to create real, relatable content for mums.
She’s completed accredited courses in Childhood in the Digital Age and Positive Parenting Strategies to ensure every article blends personal insight with evidence-based information.