Let’s face it. Mornings with children are not peaceful, Instagrammable moments involving herbal tea and gentle yoga. No. They are more like a caffeinated sprint through a field of Lego while yelling about socks.
Before 9AM, most mums have already lived an entire lifetime. We have solved wardrobe crises, located missing book bags, mediated sibling disputes, signed forms we never saw until this morning and negotiated with tiny dictators over cereal choices. All before the rest of the world has even opened their eyes properly.
Here are seventeen brutally honest, painfully relatable and occasionally unhinged thoughts that every tired mum has had before the clock even hits 9AM.
1. “Why are they awake already? It’s still dark. This is not okay.”
There’s something soul-shattering about being woken by a child standing two inches from your face whispering Mummy I’m hungry at 5.42am.
2. “If I pretend to be asleep, maybe they’ll go ask Dad. Or the dog.”
It never works. They always come for us. The default parent. Even the dog looks at you like good luck with that.
3. “No, I do not know where your school trousers are. They were on your body yesterday. Why is this my problem?”
And somehow you will still end up crawling under the bed searching for them, muttering very unholy things under your breath.
4. “Coffee. I need coffee before I become a danger to society.”
It is not about enjoying the flavour. It is survival. It is medicine. Do not talk to me until I have had at least half a cup.
5. “Why do we own twenty-seven water bottles and not a single matching lid?”
Every school morning turns into a game of hydration-themed Tetris. The only bottle that fits is covered in stickers from 2019 and smells slightly like cheese.
6. “Why are you crying? You liked Weetabix yesterday.”
Toddlers treat food like fashion. Today Weetabix is the enemy. Tomorrow it will be demanded again with tears of longing.
7. “What do you mean Book Day is today? You told me nothing about this.”
They always spring it on you with ten minutes to spare. Suddenly you are wrapping a bedsheet around them and convincing yourself that looks a bit like a wizard.
8. “Oh my god what is that smell?”
It could be the bin. It could be someone’s socks. It could be actual doom. You will never find the source.
9. “Why is no one brushing their teeth? Why is everyone just walking around like this is a spa day?”
You have said brush your teeth at least fourteen times. No one is listening. One child is putting stickers on their face. The other is looking for a marble.
10. “If one more person says Muuuuuum I am going to change my name and move to Iceland.”
It is the constant soundtrack. The repetition. The sheer energy it takes to answer yes darling with anything other than primal rage.
11. “I am not even dressed. I am shouting about shoes while wearing a towel.”
Because we always prioritise everyone else. Hair not brushed. Eyebrows uneven. Bra missing in action. Still functioning like a military commander.
12. “Why is there toothpaste on the ceiling?”
There is no logical explanation. You are not even surprised anymore. You just accept it as part of your interior decor.
13. “Please just get in the car. Just. Get. In. The. Car.”
You have asked them. You have sung it. You have turned it into a pretend game. Now you are just begging and wondering how long it takes to legally change careers.
14. “No. We cannot take the giant plastic dinosaur to school.”
Every child tries it. One day you will give in and let them take it. It will become the talk of the playground. You will become That Mum.
15. “Did anyone even eat breakfast or did we all just yell at each other while holding toast?”
Your coffee went cold. The toast was left on the side. Everyone is full of feelings but no one is full of food.
16. “I forgot to pack lunch. Again. I am a disaster.”
You are not. You are a woman doing seventeen things at once and still remembering to cut the crusts off. That is not failure. That is heroic.
17. “It is 8.59 and I am already exhausted. How is this my life?”
You are not alone. Every single mum across the country is feeling the same thing. Tired. Slightly feral. And doing it anyway.
You’re Doing Better Than You Think
If you have had at least five of these thoughts today, congratulations. You are a totally normal mum doing her best while holding everything together with caffeine and dry shampoo.
The truth is, the 9AM version of us is already a warrior. We have achieved more by breakfast than most people do in a day.
So pour yourself another cup of coffee. Take a breath. And know this: you are not a regular mum. You are a brilliant, exhausted, gloriously real one.
And that, my friend, is everything.
☕ Bonus Challenge:
Share this with a fellow tired mum and let her know she’s not losing her mind, she’s just parenting before sunrise.