Big Kids

What I’m Still Learning as a Mum of Tweens

10 April 2025 · 3 min read · By Heather
Updated 9 July 2026
What I’m Still Learning as a Mum of Tweens

What I Am Still Learning as a Mum of Tweens

I thought the hard part was the newborn stage. The nappies. The night feeds. The chaos. But here I am, parenting two funny fierce complex girls and realising… I am still learning. Every single day. Motherhood did not stop evolving when they learned to tie their shoes. It deepened. And so did I.

They Are Watching More Than They Are Listening

They hear what I say. But they feel how I live. That is what sinks in. That is what they remember.

They Do Not Need Fixing They Need Understanding

They are not broken. They are figuring themselves out. My job is not to smooth the path. It is to walk beside them.

Boundaries Are Loving Even When They Push Back

They may slam the door. Roll their eyes. But they are looking for limits that say you are safe and I care.

Connection Beats Control Every Time

The more I lean in the less I need to micromanage. Trust builds everything.

My Voice Becomes Their Inner Voice

The way I speak to them now shapes how they speak to themselves later. That matters more than I ever realised.

We Are Both Allowed to Evolve

They outgrow clothes. Interests. Phases. I am allowed to outgrow old versions of myself too.

They Still Need Me Even When They Pretend They Do Not

They act like they know it all. But they still peek to check if I am watching. They still want the hug. They still need the anchor.

Final Thought

This season is strange and beautiful and stretching. It is not about getting it right. It is about showing up. Staying open. Letting them grow while we keep growing too. Sending love always, The Darling Mellow Team

The Big Kid Years

The primary school years bring a different set of challenges — friendships that shift daily, increasing academic pressure, the first taste of social media, and a child who is developing their own opinions and pushing back on yours. This is healthy. It’s also exhausting in a completely different way from the toddler years.

More on parenting tweens and big kids

The most important thing you can do for a child aged 5-12 is maintain connection. They still need you, even when they act like they don’t. Eat together when you can. Ask open-ended questions in the car (they talk more when they don’t have to make eye contact). Be interested in what they’re interested in, even if it’s Minecraft for the 400th day in a row. Connection is the foundation that makes every other parenting strategy work.

For more support with the school-age years, our Big Kids Hub covers behaviour, activities, and the emotional side of growing up. If boundaries are becoming a battleground, our Boundary Toolkit works for children of all ages — the scripts adapt to whatever situation you’re in.

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By Heather

Heather is the founder of Darling Mellow and a home-educating mum of two, with CPD training in child development. She writes practical, honest guides for UK home-educating families, each one fact-checked against current law and official GOV.UK guidance. Darling Mellow is the resource she wished she had when she started.

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