Then I tried something radical: I stopped. I gave myself permission to do nothing after 9pm. Not “relax-productively.” Not “read for personal development.” Just… nothing. Like, drink tea and stare into the void levels of nothing.
And it changed more than I expected.
Why We Can’t Switch Off (Even When We Want To)
We’ve been conditioned to feel guilty about rest. Especially mums. There’s always something else to do. Another message to reply to. A bottle to sterilise. A “better” way to spend our time.
But here’s the thing: we are allowed to stop. Rest is not earned through exhaustion. And ironically, the more I stopped pushing through the evenings, the more energy I had the next day.
What Doing Nothing After 9pm Actually Looked Like
- No phone. I put it in another room (gasp). No reels. No “just one WhatsApp.”
- No chores. If it didn’t get done by 9, it wasn’t getting done. Radical, I know.
- No forced productivity. No journalling, no self-improvement books, no emails. Just being.
- Yes to soft things. Blanket. Chamomile. Silence. Maybe a book – if I fancied it.
I gave my brain a buffer. A soft runway into sleep instead of crash-landing into it with buzzing thoughts and a glowing screen.
The Results (Surprisingly Profound)
- I slept better. Like, genuinely better. Not “woke up to pee at 2am and then scrolled until 3:40” better. Deep, decent, dream-filled sleep.
- I was less snappy in the morning. Turns out I didn’t need more discipline – I needed more peace.
- My thoughts got quieter. I wasn’t stuffing every spare second with noise, so the real thoughts (the good ones, the creative ones) finally had space.
This Isn’t About Perfection
Some nights I forgot. Some nights the baby woke up. Some nights I absolutely did open TikTok and regret it immediately. But that’s fine.
Because the point wasn’t to succeed at “doing nothing.” The point was to try resting on purpose. Not as a reward, but as a need. As a boundary. As an act of quiet rebellion in a world that tells mums to always be doing more.
Want to Try It? Here’s What Helped Me:
- Set an actual alarm at 9pm – not to go to bed, but to stop doing.
- Put your phone to bed before you do. In a drawer. On silent. It’ll live.
- Make nothing feel nice – soft light, warm drink, quiet corner. Romanticise the stillness.
- Tell someone (partner, friend) you’re trying it. You’ll feel more accountable, and less weird.
Final Thoughts (That Aren’t Overthought)
If you’re a mum who feels like the only alone time you get is when you’re too tired to enjoy it – this is your sign. Try doing less. Not as a hack. Not as a productivity tip. But because your body and brain deserve a soft landing.
Doing nothing after 9pm gave me something I didn’t know I needed: the space to just be me, not “Mum, can you just – ” or “Did you send the – ”
Just Mellow. Mug of tea in hand. Not achieving anything. And oddly… that’s when I started feeling most alive.