Benign Neglect: Why Letting Your Kids Be Bored Might Just Make You Mum of the Year

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Let’s face it, benign neglect parenting took off as a parenting trend in 2024, and it has stuck around for good reason. It’s about letting go a little while still caring deeply. It’s not that you’ve thrown in the towel on raising well-rounded kids, it’s that you’re tired of being an on-call activities director 24/7. Enter “benign neglect”, the new parenting trend that tells us it’s absolutely OK to let our kids figure stuff out for themselves. Forget scheduling every second of their day with enrichment, sports, and learning, you know what’s enriching? A little boredom.

What Is Benign Neglect Parenting?

“Benign neglect parenting” sounds almost scandalous, but hear me out. It’s basically the art of stepping back and letting your kids experience life without you hovering over every move like a helicopter on a sugar rush. Jennifer Garner made headlines in a November 2023 TODAY interview when she said she wants to be around, “But I also think it’s OK if they suffer from a little bit of benign neglect.” Let’s be real: those of us who were raised in the 80s and 90s survived plenty of days doing absolutely nothing except getting into low-level trouble and watching clouds. And guess what? We turned out just fine.

Why Benign Neglect Parenting Is the Cure for Modern Overparenting

Benign neglect is a backlash against the pressure to be the perfect mum, managing every last detail of our kids’ lives. Kids need to know how to be resourceful, how to deal with failure, and that they’re not the center of the universe 100% of the time (shocking, I know). It’s about giving them enough space to fall and get back up again. Sure, there’s a fine line between “benign neglect” and “actual neglect,” but in this context, it means letting them play, explore, and solve boredom independently.

You want to know the secret? Kids are actually pretty good at entertaining themselves if you let them. Sure, there might be a few days of “Muuuum, I’m boooored,” but eventually, they start getting creative. Suddenly, they’re building pillow forts, making puppet shows out of socks, or raiding the recycling bin for arts and crafts supplies. Letting them stew in boredom breeds imagination.

Outdoor Exploration Kit: a set with binoculars, a compass, a torch and a magnifying glass gives them a reason to head outside and explore on their own.

The Benefits of Benign Neglect: Real Life Skills

1. Resilience and Independence: Nothing builds resilience quite like learning that not everything will be provided for you on a silver platter. A bit of benign neglect gives kids the chance to learn about cause and effect, independence, and that sometimes it’s OK to fail.
2. Problem Solving: Without a parent jumping in to fix everything, kids learn to solve their own problems. Missing LEGO pieces? Find a substitute. No snacks? Well, looks like they’re finally going to learn to make toast.
3. Parental Sanity: Let’s be real, giving kids a bit of freedom also means you get to have some. No more feeling like the personal cruise director. They learn to entertain themselves, and you get to sip your tea while it’s still hot (for once).

STEM Robotics Kit: a solar-powered robot building kit (aimed at ages 8 to 12) gives older kids a proper project to work through by themselves.

How to Practise Benign Neglect Parenting Without the Guilt

1. Step Back, but Stay Close: Let them try, fail, and try again, but make sure they know you’re around if they need you. You don’t need to fix every scraped knee, but a quick hug and “You’ve got this” go a long way.
2. Embrace the Outdoors: Send them outside and tell them to invent a game with a stick. Nature is the original boredom-buster, and a little fresh air is good for everyone.
3. Make Boredom Normal: Boredom isn’t a failure of your parenting; it’s an opportunity. Remind them that they don’t need to be entertained every second, and reassure yourself that a bit of aimlessness leads to creativity.

The Dark Side of Over-Sharenting: Why Less Is More

The rise of benign neglect coincides with another trend: “Sharenting” was tipped to fall out of fashion too. Parents are increasingly wary of plastering their kids’ lives all over social media, especially with growing concerns about AI-generated imagery and privacy. Experts like Leah Plunkett, author of Sharenthood, are advising parents to limit or stop sharing photos of their children, partly because generative AI tools can now produce realistic images from them​(PureWow).

Why Benign Neglect Parenting Works in the Digital Age

In today’s world, benign neglect is also a great way to counterbalance the ever-present tech in our kids’ lives. Instead of offering a tablet every time boredom strikes, let them figure out an analogue solution. You might just be surprised by what they come up with. Remember, their ability to entertain themselves without screens is a skill that will benefit them (and let’s be honest, us) in the long run.

Final Thoughts: Channel Your Inner 90s Mum

So, if you’re looking for an excuse to step back a little and let your kids figure life out, you’re in luck. Benign neglect parenting is the perfect reason to say “not today” to another over-planned playdate and “yes” to a little free time. The truth is, the world doesn’t need more over-managed kids, and you don’t need to wear yourself out trying to provide a constant parade of entertainment.

Let’s bring back the days of drinking tea while it’s hot, letting kids be a little bored, and watching them grow stronger because of it. Sometimes doing a little less is the best way to raise kids who are capable of so much more.

Want more ways to help your kids grow resilient? Check out my post on Building Resilience in Kids for practical tips.