“But what about socialisation?”
If you home educate, you have heard this question approximately seventeen thousand times. From family members, friends, strangers in supermarkets, and that one person at every party who says it with the specific inflection that implies you are damaging your children.
Let us put this to bed. Properly.
The Assumption Behind the Question
The question assumes that school is the primary (or only) place where children learn to socialise. This assumption is so deeply embedded in our culture that questioning it feels radical. But it is not supported by research, history, or logic.
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For most of human history, children socialised in mixed-age, community-based settings — with siblings, cousins, neighbours, apprentices, and adults. The idea of putting 30 children of identical age in a room for six hours a day and calling that “socialisation” is a very recent invention, dating back only to the Victorian era.
What the Research Actually Says
Dr Richard Medlin, a psychologist at Stetson University who has studied home educated children for over 25 years, found that home educated children score at or above average on measures of social skills, self-esteem, and emotional adjustment compared to their schooled peers.
A 2021 study published in the Journal of School Choice found that home educated young adults were more likely to participate in civic activities, volunteer work, and community organisations than their school-educated counterparts.
Research consistently shows that the quality of social interaction matters far more than the quantity. A child who has three close friends they see regularly in varied, real-world settings is better socialised than a child who spends six hours a day in a classroom where the primary social interaction is being told to be quiet.
How Home Educated Children Actually Socialise
The home education community in the UK is enormous and growing rapidly. There are an estimated 100,000+ home educated children in England alone. In every area of the country, there are:
- Home ed groups — regular meetups, field trips, workshops, and social gatherings organised by local families
- Sports clubs, dance, martial arts, swimming — many home educated children participate in activities during the day when facilities are less busy
- Scouts, Guides, Woodcraft Folk, Cadets — structured group activities with mixed ages
- Community education — libraries, museums, nature centres, and community organisations often run daytime sessions for home educated families
- Online communities — especially relevant for older children and those in rural areas
- Part-time school or flexi-schooling — some families combine home education with part-time attendance
Our home educated children interact with people of all ages, in real-world settings, with genuine purpose. They learn to talk to adults, collaborate with younger children, navigate friendships without the artificial pressure of playground politics, and develop social skills that translate directly to adult life.
The Real Socialisation Problem
If we are honest about socialisation concerns, the biggest issues actually exist within schools:
- Bullying: One in three UK children report being bullied at school
- Peer pressure: The intense need to conform to peer group norms, which can override family values and individual identity
- Age segregation: Children spending all day exclusively with same-age peers is developmentally artificial
- Limited interaction: In many classrooms, children are actively discouraged from talking to each other for most of the day
None of this means school is bad for every child. School works beautifully for many children. But the idea that it is the only valid path to healthy social development is simply not supported by evidence.
How to Respond to the Question
You do not owe anyone a detailed defence of your educational choices. But if you want a response, here are some options:
The brief answer: “They socialise every day — just not exclusively with 30 children who happen to be the same age.”
The research answer: “Research by Medlin and others consistently shows that home educated children have equal or better social outcomes than their schooled peers.”
The honest answer: “I appreciate the concern, but we are confident in our approach. If you would like to know more about how home education works, I am happy to share.”
The boundary answer: “Thank you, but I am not looking for input on our educational decisions.”
For more on navigating these conversations with confidence, our Home Education Hub has comprehensive resources for every stage of the journey.
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