Other People’s Bullsh*t Has Nothing to Do With You (And Why You Shouldn’t Care)

Let me hit you with some truth right out the gate: other people’s bullsh*t has absolutely, unequivocally, nothing to do with you. Zero. Zilch. Nada. Yet, here we are, so often caught in the drama, insecurities, and nonsense other people throw at us, like we somehow signed up to be their emotional punching bag. And to that, I say: Nah. Hard pass.

Let’s break this down. There’s a glorious saying: “Not my circus, not my monkeys.” That phrase? That’s your new mantra. Write it down. Tattoo it on your soul. Make it the soundtrack to your life. Because, friend, the quicker you accept that other people’s chaos is their circus and those messy little situationships are their monkeys to wrangle, the quicker you’ll realize that you’re not obligated to participate in any of it.

1. Their Projections Aren’t Your Reality

Here’s the thing: when someone is spewing their garbage your way, it’s almost never about you. No, it’s about their insecurities, their fears, their failures. People project like they’re a janky old movie projector from the 90s. They’ve got their issues on loop, and they’re desperate to make someone else the star of their sad little production.

Oh, you’re raising your kids that way? Trigger warning for someone whose own parenting insecurities are bubbling to the surface. You don’t want to do the same old 9-5 rat race? Cue the side-eyes from someone who’s too scared to step out of their comfort zone. You decide to take that vacation alone and find yourself without guilt? The judgment from someone who hasn’t had more than 10 minutes to themselves since 2003 is on its way.

What they’re actually saying is, “You’re doing something I can’t or won’t do, and that makes me uncomfortable.” But here’s the kicker: that discomfort is theirs to own. You’re not required to pick up the emotional bags they’ve packed. Drop that sh*t like it’s on fire.

2. The Opinions of Others Are a Reflection of Them

We’re living in the age of constant opinion-sharing (looking at you, Facebook rants and unsolicited Instagram DMs), and people are out here acting like their opinion is law. Honey, it’s not. And their opinion of you? Well, that’s got less to do with you and more to do with the tiny mental filter through which they view the world.

Think about it like this: If a person who hates apples tells you apples are the worst thing on the planet, does that make apples bad? Absolutely not. It means they’ve had some sort of experience or bias that made them anti-apple, but that says nothing about the actual apple, right? You are that apple. Juicy, sweet, a little crunchy on the edges. Someone else’s distaste is a reflection of their flavor palate, not your deliciousness.

When someone hits you with negativity, criticism, or passive-aggressive shade (you know the type), pause and remind yourself: This is not about me. This is about what’s going on inside them. And thank the stars you’re not in their head. Must be exhausting up in there.

3. Boundaries Are a Magical Superpower (Use Them)

Now that we’ve established that other people’s drama is their own, how do you protect your peace from getting tainted by it? Boundaries, baby.

Here’s where some of us (especially as mums, partners, and overall caretakers) tend to slip up: we think setting boundaries makes us mean or selfish. Newsflash: boundaries make you smart. They’re the emotional equivalent of putting on noise-canceling headphones when the world starts blaring chaos.

When someone tries to drag you into their muck, you simply don’t go there. You can choose not to engage in their pity party. You can refuse to get sucked into their self-made whirlpool of misery. You can say “no” (yes, it’s a full sentence) to the toxic spiral they’re trying to drag you into.

You wouldn’t jump into a dumpster just because someone else is throwing a tantrum in there, would you? Exactly. Set your limits, put up those walls where necessary, and bask in the glory of not being emotionally manipulated.

4. Let Go of People-Pleasing (Because They’ll Never Be Happy Anyway)

Now here’s a bitter pill to swallow for all you recovering people-pleasers out there: you cannot, and will not, make everyone happy. The thing is, you don’t have to. You were not put on this planet to make sure everyone around you has warm and fuzzy feelings about every single thing you do. That’s a full-time job with zero benefits, and it’s a thankless gig.

So stop bending yourself into a pretzel to avoid offending others, or worse, trying to solve their problems for them. Here’s some real talk: people love to stay in their misery. It’s cozy there. They’ve set up camp in their issues, and they’re not leaving until they decide to do something about it. You’re not responsible for dragging them out. It’s not your job to fix them. You are not Oprah. You do not have to heal everyone’s emotional baggage.

The people who will criticize or complain the loudest are usually the ones who would never be satisfied even if you gave them exactly what they wanted. So why bother? You’re chasing an impossible goal. Instead of worrying about pleasing them, how about worrying about pleasing yourself for once? Revolutionary, right?

5. Live Your Life, Unbothered

Ultimately, you’ve got one life. That’s it. There’s no encore performance, no “do-over” button waiting for you down the road. Why waste a second of it worrying about other people’s nonsense?

Here’s a little secret: People are going to talk no matter what you do. You could cure cancer, end world hunger, and win the Nobel Peace Prize all before noon, and someone will still have something negative to say about your shoes. That’s just how people are. But here’s the kicker—you don’t have to care.

Free yourself from the mental load of carrying other people’s issues on your back. Let them deal with their own mess while you live your life exactly as you see fit—unapologetically, confidently, and with zero sh*ts given about the peanut gallery.

Because when it comes down to it, their bullsh*t? Not your problem. Stop owning what was never yours to begin with.

Peace,

Mellow ✌🏻