Christmas Contact Arrangements: Sorting It Before December

Christmas is the fixture that breaks arrangements that work perfectly well the rest of the year. Term time has a rhythm, and then two weeks arrive with no school, two sets of grandparents, and a date that cannot be moved. The arguments usually are not about December at all. They surface in December because that is when the vagueness finally has to resolve into a time and a place.

None of what follows is about being reasonable with someone who is not. It is about making the week harder to argue about.

Is there a legal rule about who has the children on Christmas Day?

No. There is no default in law, no formula, and no entitlement attached to whoever the children live with most of the time. Families alternate years, split the day, split the fortnight, or ignore the date entirely and do their Christmas on the 28th. All of those are equally lawful.

GOV.UK is blunt that agreement is the goal: you may be able to avoid court altogether if you agree between you where the children live and how much time they spend with each parent.

We already have a court order. Does it cover Christmas?

Read it before you assume. Orders are often written around term time and weekends, and say little or nothing about the specific hours of Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, Boxing Day and New Year. An order that says “alternate weekends and half the school holidays” has not told you who does Christmas dinner.

If it genuinely is silent, you are back to agreeing it, which is easier done in October than on 23 December.

When should we sort it out?

Earlier than feels necessary. The practical deadline is not Christmas, it is the day school breaks up, because that is when travel, work shifts and other people’s plans lock in.

If it has gone wrong before, put next year’s in writing at the same time as this year’s, while the detail is fresh and nobody is upset yet.

What if we cannot agree?

The route GOV.UK sets out is mediation first. You will usually need to show you have tried mediation before you can apply to court, and there is a family mediation voucher of up to £500, available whatever your income.

If that does not resolve it, applying for a court order costs £270. Help with fees may be available if you are on a low income or receiving certain benefits, and legal aid may be available in some circumstances, including where there is evidence of domestic abuse.

Realistically, an application made in December will not be decided before Christmas. That is a reason to start early, not a reason to give up.

What does a Christmas arrangement need to say?

The arguments come from the gaps, so close them. A workable arrangement answers all of this:

• Dates and times, not “Christmas Day”. From 10am on the 25th to 1pm on the 26th is a plan. “We will share it” is not.
• Who travels, to where, and what happens if the trains are cancelled or someone is ill.
• Handover place, especially if handovers are tense. Somewhere public and neutral on a quiet bank holiday needs thinking about in advance.
• Contact with the other parent during the stay: a call at a set time works better than an open invitation to be interrupted.
• Presents, at least roughly, so the children do not get two of the same thing or one parent accidentally outspends an agreement nobody made.
• What happens next year, written down now.

How do we record it so it is not re-argued?

In writing, in one place, in plain terms, and sent to the other parent rather than held privately. Text or email is fine and gives you a timestamp. Avoid agreeing significant detail by phone, not because anyone is lying, but because two people genuinely remember different conversations in January.

Cafcass, the body that advises the family court about children, publishes Our Child’s Plan, formerly the Parenting Plan, which is an interactive plan anyone can use to work through how care is shared, including time with each parent and decisions about school and health. There is a Word version for anyone who would rather not do it online.

What do we tell the children?

The plan, once it is settled, and nothing about how it was reached. Children do not need to know which parent asked for what, or that it took four weeks. They need to know where they will be, when, who is collecting them and that both parents are fine about it.

If they are old enough to have a view, asking is reasonable. Making them choose is not the same thing, and they can usually tell the difference.

Where to check this yourself

• GOV.UK: looking after children if you divorce or separate, including mediation, the £500 voucher and the £270 application fee
• Cafcass: Our Child’s Plan

For free support, GOV.UK lists the official routes, and Citizens Advice can help with court fees and forms. If there is domestic abuse, contact the National Domestic Abuse Helpline on 0808 2000 247, which is free and open 24 hours.